Find It In Your Heart, A Marco Songfiction
by TheyCallMeNicole
Summary: Marco is confused--does he want the school to know about his sexuality, or just want to make Spinner understand it? Drastic turns can solve it all.. yada yada, not as good as i hoped but o well, jsut R&R!


This is a song fic about Marco and his longings to be accepted--with _everyone, including _Spinner. For the first reviewer of my Ashley songfic Perfect, Genemi.

Disclaimer: "Rest In Pieces" by Saliva

**Find It In Your Heart**

__

Look at me, my depth perception must be off again, 

Cause this hurts deeper than I thought it did

I brought my hands to my face and leaned back on the sofa. This math homework was just too exhausting. I'll do it tomorrow, i thought to myself. Plus my mind wasn't exactly on track.

__

It has not healed with time...

It just shot down my spine. 

I took my binder and textbook off my lap and set them on the coffee table. I had been thinking lately. About me. And Spinner. And the rest of Degrassi. The ones who didn't know.

__

You look so beautiful tonight, Remind me how you laid us down, 

And gently smiled, Before you destroyed my life... 

I looked away with a sharp flick of my head. Thoughts swarmed into my brain. I could do this, then that, and get this and throw away that. But i definitely knew what i wanted. And from who.

__

Would you find it in your heart, 

To make this go away, 

And let me rest in pieces? 

All i wanted was for Spinner to relax around me. Just because I'm gay doesn't mean i like him. He jsut doesn't understand.

__

Would you find it in your heart, 

To make this go away, 

And let me rest in pieces? 

All i want is for Spinner to let it go and leave me alone. Be comfortable with it. Then it hit me. Its a bigger deal to me than i thought.

__

Look at me, my depth perception must be off again, 

You got much closer than I thought you did, 

Then i started to grow infuriated. I'm no different! Im no different from anyone else! Im the same! Im the same! Those things i had tried so hard to pound into my head when i was first dealing with it all. Then i thought it was all better. I had friends who cared, knew, and understood--with respect. But was wrong.

__

I'm in your reach, 

You held me in your hands...

I stood up, hurling the couch pillow at the statue shelf on the opposite side of the room, knocking 3 small porcelain ornaments to the floor and hearing them shatter. I thought i had it. Jimmy, the most. But i thought the other guys were cool with it, too. But obviously, Spinner wasn't/

__

But could you find it in your heart, 

To make this go away, 

And let me rest in pieces?

I didn't realize it but tears were running quickly down my red, hot face. They stung the small blemish on the right corner of my chin when they curved down my face. I punched my hand into the wall, creating a hole and losing the skin on my knuckles. I cried in pain.

__

Would you find it in your heart, 

To make this go away, 

And let me rest in pieces? 

But why? Why did I care so much about what Spinner thought? I already admitted i didn't like him--to his face! Was i contradicting myself? Worry arousing inside me, i ran my hands nervously through my hair, i knew there was a simple, single, clear step to solve this all.

__

Could you find, could you find in your heart?

I logged on to Degrassi's Website and entered Student Shoutout.

Could you find, could you let me rest in pieces?

Marco is gay, I slowly typed. After pressing send, howled in terror. That's not what i wanted to do to make Spinner realize.

_Could you find, could you find in your heart? _

I ran to the kitchen, yelling to myself out loud about the past, who i hated, who i loved, searching for the bottle. I found the Ambien. Six pills. I headed out to the pool. Close your eyes, Marco, i thought. Everything went white as i let myself falls drowsily head-first into the deep end.

__

Could you find, could you let me rest in pieces?

*~*

****

Eh, its not as good as i hoped, but maybe I'll make another one in the future.

Review please!

NICOLE


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